Here Is The Perfect Texas BBQ Meal, At Least According To Science

Don't shoot the messenger. Seriously. I know we all have our preferences and strongly held beliefs. So, when you read what comes next, know that I left myself completely out of this and left it to some nerds that like to crunch numbers.

Here is the perfect Texas BBQ meal, at least according to science.

What Is Texas' Favorite BBQ Meat?

This one isn't too controversial. In a recent study conducted by the folks over at Mosquito Joe, it was determined that one meat ruled as king in the Lone Star State.

All hail brisket.

Of all the choices given, those surveyed in Texas pointed at brisket as being their overwhelming favorite. I can't argue with that too much.

If done right, a brisket gives you a glimpse of what the food in Heaven must taste like.

What Is Texas' Favorite Side Dish For BBQ?

Now, sit down and remember that I'm just the messenger here. Don't blame me; blame the people who responded to the survey.

According to the research that was done, french fries are the go-to side dish in Texas.

You've got to be kidding me.

Did they survey Mrs. Wallace's second-grade class? Who honestly thinks to themselves, "Can't wait to get my mouth around this brisket and wash it down with some fries!"

Right answers would have been pretty much anything else. How are you going to spoil your BBQ plate with something you can get at McDonald's? Mashed potatoes would have been acceptable. I'm jealous of the states that picked collard greens. Fried okra is another one I can't believe we hung out to dry.

Do better.

What Is Texas' Favorite BBQ Sauce?

Friends and neighbors, I need you to take a nice, big, deep breath. This might be a little hard for some people to imagine. Keep in mind, so far we have brisket and fries. Don't get your hopes up that it gets much better.

According to the research, our favorite BBQ sauce...Lord, forgive us...is buffalo sauce.

Friends, that goes on cheap chicken. That does not belong on your BBQ brisket. I would have settled for almost anything, but once again we're eating like a bunch of 12 year olds at a sleep over.

So, now, that's brisket, fries, and a side of buffalo sauce. It's like I'm babysitting some sweaty man-child.

What Is Texas' Favorite BBQ Dessert?

What's a meal without dessert? Prison food. Part of the research was which dessert we would round out the meal with, and I have to say there's a bit of redemption here.

While I'll pretty much skip everything so far, except the brisket, I'm definitely getting dessert. The Lone Star favorite is cheesecake.

Thank the good Lord above we finally got some sense about us.

It's awfully hard around these parts to find someone who doesn't like cheesecake. It shows up everywhere. I've been given more cheesecakes as gifts since arriving in Texas than I had seen in my whole life up to that point.

At least we got dessert and the meat right.